I honestly prefered your weird west piece. I still think your geography could use some more work. Readers might get lost what with not being able to place everything/everyone. You should tkae at least a paragraph to really describe the entire action as soon as you enter a new part (like the very beginning, and the moment you threw us out of the flashback.)

One other complaint I have is after the fifth paragraph, you almost always begins with Diclux, maybe you should switch to bishop, chief, every once in a while?

It's kind of like your sentence about being grandmaster, since you barely (I'm not even sure) touched upon it beforehand, it took me aback for a few seconds, like what are we talking about.

Anyway, keep up the good work! I'm glad you're producing at least a piece a week nowadays! Thanks.

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